He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
