I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
