So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I touched a dick in church today
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
