He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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