Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
