Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
