woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
