You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
