Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
