carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
