She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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