I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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