I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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