You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
