I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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