at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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