also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
