My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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