im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
