I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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