yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
