How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
