you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
