1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
