Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I need a burrito and a hug.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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