You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
