the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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