She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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