After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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