What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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