omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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