omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
