no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
