Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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