She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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