dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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