Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
