so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
