if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
