don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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