Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
