Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i now understand why vodka
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
