I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
