i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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