hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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