My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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