I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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