Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
