Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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