i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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