then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
