Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
