I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
