I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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