1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
