i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
