nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
