just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
