you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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