I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
