He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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