ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
