Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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