I got chris browned last night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
