Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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