Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's blow job season.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
